I’m seriously considering cutting my relationship with Mars, Inc. For decades I’ve been a huge fan of their culinary delights — most notably their king sized Snickers Bar. This week they’ve betrayed my love and devotion. Apparently, in an effort to improve the nutritional value of their products, they are cutting back. By the end of next year the king sized Snickers will disappear completely. All of their products will have a 250 calorie limit. Is that really necessary? Bite sized bars exist. Consumers have choices. My extra special (I’m sad and I need a lift) splurge has always been Mr. King Snickers. He’s helped me hang on when the Sox lost in ’86 and the Patriots blew it against the Giants in ’07 & ’12. Now some of you are probably rolling your eyes, asking why not just buy two normal sized bars and pretend they’re fused together. But we both know it’s not the same. It will never be the same.
What’s the shelf life on a chocolate bar? I might need to buy another freezer and start stockpiling now before people start fighting over them. This is not a happy day in casa de Oberlies.